Saturday, July 31, 2010

Balancing Act

It's been awhile since my last post. I've been super busy with school and also super stressed. My main focus the past couple of weeks has been school. When I started this quarter, the class was down for about a week. This caused me to get very behind in the class requirements. I don't like to be behind and I've been playing catch up the whole time. I've had tunnel vision in my pursuit to get on track. This class is not hard, but being behind has caused it to become hard (at least in my perception). As a result of this tunnel vision, other aspects of my life have suffered. This is the reason for my blog title, Balancing Act.

So as I've mentioned in previous blogs, in addition to being a student, I'm also a mother and stepmother, a wife, and I have a full-time job. As anyone in a similar situation knows, when you focus too much attention on one aspect of your life, others suffer. This has happened these past few weeks. I've focused on school and therefore, neglected my role as wife and mother particularly. While I've continued working, I don't think my work completion has been lessened by this focus on school. And as my stepsons have been away from home most of summer, they have not been bothered by school much.

My husband has made complaints about the lack of attention and time spent with him. I certainly cannot argue with him, it is true that I haven't spent much time with him due to school commitments. My son, in his own way, has also complained this week because my days off have always been devoted to him, and this week they have been devoted to school. Although I know their complaints are valid, I find them frustrating because I feel a lack of support. But if I truly, humbly and honestly look at my actions, I would see I have no reason to feel that way. I have been selfish and need to find a way to make it up to them and myself.

I know that I've never been good about this balancing act, even before I had so many roles to play. I have found myself neglecting friends and co-workers due to focus on other aspects of my life in previous years. My concern now is how to fix this habit and not let it happen again. I know this week will catch me up with school if my family can give me just this time for that. But how do I make it up to them?

I'm glad to have gotten this off my chest, perhaps I will feel calm soon. As of right now, my brain feels like mush from so much studying and I can't think what else to say or whether this blog is well-written or even makes sense.

More to come I'm sure...